International Women’s Day

On March 8th 140 men and women gathered together to celebrate International Women’s Day. They

heard the stories of four incredible, local women, working to end personal violence. Through stories of loss and triumph from eastern Africa to here in Colorado Springs, we learned more about resiliency and how it really does take a community to end violence against women.
 
Violence against women takes on many forms and can be masked in ways we cannot imagine. From the emotional abuse to honour killings and rape as a weapon of war, violence against any woman is violence against all humanity.
 
Some interesting notes to come out of the day:

• Education for girls decreases early marriage, obstetric fistulas, and human trafficking. It leads to smaller families, increased family income, and decreases in poverty.
• The majority of those trafficked are men for labor exploitation.
• There is a strong relationship between the number of female legislators in a state’s congress and the funding available for victims of trafficking. However, the most effective examples are the ones in which female legislators pull in their male counterparts and get their buy in.

We cannot let personal violence become a niched women’s issue. Far too many see these issues as things that only affect women. We have allowed the discussion and the response to become too female driven. That is to say, we need to remember that violence affects men and women, that both men and women are perpetrators and that if we want to end it, we need to create a complete community response.
 
As we talk about what we know with others, let us remember and advocate that personal violence is a human rights issue. It does not just affect one group of people, it affects all of us.
 

“You are the hope God created for others” ~ Doris Rivera-Black

Empowered Bystanders

Patrick Stewart's Passion

Patrick Stewart was asked what the most important thing he has done outside of acting is and this was his response.

Here is the Amnesty talk that was referred to and a link to the UN platform he did. 

Stewart, who grew up in a home where abuse occurred, speaks to the mistaken prejudice that women must have "done something" to deserve their abuse. It is the lie that excuses the abuse and places the blame on the victim. It is wrong (to use his response)!  There is nothing a woman does to justify being attacked. Furthermore, Stewart (with lots of emotion) states: Violence is never, ever a choice that a man should make. 

This is the greatest lie that allows abuse to continue and it is one of the biggest lies we have to combat and defeat if we are ever going to end violence. Men need to stand up and say to other men that violence is not okay. 

I also appreciate that, without excusing his actions, Stewart is able to state that his father suffered with undiagnosed PTSD and that played a role in his behavior and abuse. Still, violence is a choice. Stewart now does a lot of work equally for battered women and for those who are suffering with PTSD.

Read about the experience from the amazing woman who asked Stewart the question. 

One Billion Rising

Advocacy Day: Today there are one billion rising to end violence against women!

Human trafficking is a form of violence.

While many today will be rising to fight domestic violence and sexual assault, we want to include human trafficking in the dance as well.

It is the violation of women and children's freedom of choice. It is rape for money. It is exploitation.

Let's stand & DANCE and say enough is enough for those who are being raped and sold and used for the benefit and pleasure of another.

The Other Side of Saturday's Tragedy

Kasandra Michelle Perkins was killed Saturday morning by her boyfriend Jovan Belcher, linebacker for The Kansas City Chiefs. Kasandra was the mother of three-month-old Zoey. She was also a victim of domestic violence. Since Belcher committed suicide in front of his coach and the Chiefs' manager, the story have been about him and his promising football career cut “tragically short”.

The Chiefs held a moment of silence for domestic violence victims before their game on Sunday. But that moment seems to be the only reference to why Kasandra was killed. Even Kasandra herself has become a footnote, often only refereed to as 'his girlfriend' in most stories. While Belcher's name grips headlines, most news stations can't even take the time to learn or say her name - Kasandra.

Kasandra Michelle Perkins leaves behind a daughter. She leaves behind family and friends. She had great desires for her life. While some rage about the importance of gun control or the culture of violence within the NFL (a topic to be discussed among all professional sports to be sure!), we make Belcher the headline instead of the woman whose life he cut short.

Say her name - say her name and state what was done to her. Kasandra was killed by her boyfriend. Let's mourn the mother who will never see her daughter grow up. Let's mourn for Zoey who will never know her mother's smile, laugh or get to experience the hundreds of things a girl does with her mother. Let's make Kasandra and how domestic violence ruins lives the headline, not the career cut short by a man who couldn't control his emotions. His suicide shouldn't be headline; her murder is where we need to focus. We need to learn victim's names and celebrate their lives instead of focusing so much attention on their perpetrators and letting their victims become just a footnote.

We choose to remember Kasandra to say her name and mourn the life taken.

Children & Exposure to Violence

"More than one in four children in the United States has been exposed to physical violence between their parents at home at some time in their lives, and one in nine has been exposed to this type of violence within the past year, a new study says." (U.S. News)

The Alabama Coalition Against Domestic Violence listed some of the effects of exposure, including: shame, guilt and blame, anger, acting out or withdrawing, refusing to go to school, lying, manipulation, isolation from friends and family, poor anger management, short attention spans, tried, poor hygiene, and self abuse. For a complete list go here.

Exposure, according to U.S. News includes: hearing it, being told about it, seeing the consequences, or actually seeing it (2011).

It is imperative that more is done to educate those connected to the children - extended family, babysitters, educators, counselors, doctors, etc. - to know the signs and what to do. If just hearing abuse is enough to affect a child, we all have to become educated and be there for children. Too often we pass children off, coming up with other excuses for what is happening. We blame their reactions on other things, they get labeled a "problem child" when really they could be reacting to violence in their life.